Published: Irish Independent
Author: Julia Molony
Expert Opinion: Dr. Malie Coyne

“being assertive is vital to your emotional well-being,” Coyne stresses. People who lack assertiveness can find themselves holding in anger which ends up coming out in burst of anger that are inappropriate towards other situations,” she says. “Anger comes from an unmet need. So if you are not able to express your need, it will impact you in a really significant way. Apart from anxiety and depression and stress and all the physical stuff, I think your sense of self is hugely impacted. Because you are walking around the world not getting your needs met.”

There is a cultural aspect to this too, and assertiveness, Coyne believes, is a skill that a lot of Irish people need to learn. “I think assertiveness is something that people really struggle with. I’m half-Dutch and in Holland I find that there’s less of this people-pleasing, ‘I’m grand, I’m grand’… there, if you’re pissed off, you’re pissed off and that’s OK. In Ireland, you just say you are fine.”