Controlling People – RTE Today Show

"People who can't control themselves control the people around them.
When you rely on someone for a positive reflected sense of self, you invariably try to control him or her."

Insecurities, the environment of one's upbringing, or a tragic past, often play a role in a controlling person's need for dominance in their lives. The experience of insecure attachment, abuse or neglect can make people look for ways to regain control of their lives, almost as a defence and a way of gaining much needed predictability which may have been lacking in childhood.

The need for control drives people to turn to the external world in order to find things they can control and to divert away from their unbearable inner feelings. They may be compelled to micromanage and orchestrate the actions and behaviours of others sometimes leading to the painful abuse of others (including emotional, physical, sexual abuse, neglect and bullying). Alternatively, they may maintain rigid rules regarding routine, diet, or cleanliness and order, and exhibit mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and personality disorders.

The best way to manage the situation is to access support from friends, family and trained professionals, to look at what is driving everyday behaviour patterns, and to work on building soothing and self-compassion into your life. Helpful websites include www.safeireland.ie and www.amen.ie.