Published: alustforlife.com
Author: Dr. Malie Coyne
Exams are part of the “game” of life
Exams are an unfortunate reality of life. An unnecessary evil some might say or a necessary rite of passage towards an important goal. It depends on how you look at it. The weeks before exam-time can be a really stressful time, which is totally understandable given the amount of pressure you may be experiencing. You are not alone in how you feel.
You may worry you haven’t studied enough, or that you won’t live up to people’s expectations. It doesn’t help that everyone talks about exams non-stop. Listening to your friends with their own fears, parents getting hyped up, some teachers warning you about the earth stopping consequences if you don’t study. Not to mention the pressure you may be putting on yourself. Rest assured, feeling stressed before exams is totally normal.
I personally can’t say that I agree with the system’s way of evaluating young people’s abilities, as exam results are not a measure of your value as a human being. Exams don’t measure your true intelligence, creativity or even your future success. But as things stand, exams are part of the “game” of life and you have to get through them. I will try to help you to get out the other side in one piece, and more than that, with the happiness and success you truly deserve.
“There are many ways to skin a cat”
Because people keep telling you “this is make or break time; you have to do well or else”, you may think that doing well in the exams is the only way to achieve your goal. In reality there are many pathways to reach a goal. Perspective is not easy to see right now. There are a lot of different ways to get what you want if you don’t get the results you had hoped for. I know many older folk who are still changing careers, so firstly, it is okay not to know what you want and secondly there is always a way to do what it is you want to do in life. Finding that thing that you love doing and are good at is a lifelong process.
The positive side of “stress”
Exams are one of the many challenges life will bring you. You would not get stressed if something wasn’t important to you. Stress can be good in small amounts as it can help you to get motivated for what’s ahead. In her book The Upside of Stress (2015), Dr. McGonigal says that it is not stress on its own which is harmful, but the belief that it is harmful which can do the damage. This new way of looking at stress, also called “the new science of stress”, is explained in Fiona Forman’s article http://www.alustforlife.com/mental-health/children-and-adolescents/why-we-need-to-teach-children-about-the-new-science-of-stress, where she suggests that we should embrace stress rather than panic at the first sign of it:
“When we remind ourselves about the benefits of stress, we produce hormones which can help our bodies and minds to feel stronger. If we start to feel the physical signs of stress, it is helpful to welcome these signs as a reminder that our bodies are helping us to deal with the challenge ahead, and to try to harness this energy in a positive way”.
Is it stress or anxiety?
When stress gets out of hand it becomes anxiety. The main difference between healthy levels of stress and anxiety is that you will have a lot more worries and physical signs when you are anxious (e.g. unable to relax, nerves in your stomach). Anxiety also really interferes with your daily life. If the pressure feels bigger than your ability to cope, I would encourage you to talk to someone you trust. It is better to seek help early rather than to struggle on.
To find out more about stress and anxiety, take a look at these information sheets on coping with stress http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/Info-coping%20with%20stress.pdf and what is generalized anxiety. http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/ACF3C57.pdf Another interesting resource is this TED Ed. video http://www.alustforlife.com/videos/how-stress-affects-your-brain
on how stress affects your memory and brain. I also like this funny clip of exam stress explained with Buckaroo.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GgaoQR5shg
Identifying your worries and taking action on what you CAN control
Ever notice how when worries are piling on top of you, it’s hard to think straight? One simple exercise I ask young people to try is:
- Make a list of all the things that are worrying you
- Focus on the ones you feel you have some control over
- Defer the worries you have no control over for now
- Identify realistic actions you can take to reduce each worry
Try this for yourself using this worksheet. http://www.cardiffandvaleuhb.wales.nhs.uk/sitesplus/documents/1143/EVALUATE%20YOUR%20WORRY%20TODAY%20-WORKSHEET.pdf
Be gentle on yourself and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get to everything on the list, it’s all about priorities and beginning to tackle the worries you can control beginning NOW.
A word of advice for parents and close adults
Your role is really important. Please don’t nag or add pressure to an already pressurised situation. Of course you want the best for the young person but it is important to remain calm and keep your expectations out of it. The best thing you can do is to support them unconditionally; build their confidence; remind them of their successes; encourage them to exercise, relax and sleep well; feed them nutritious food; look for signs of too much stress.
Every young person is different so ask them what would be most helpful to them. Maintain an open relationship so they can talk to you about any worries, and encourage them to seek help if their stress levels seem unmanageable. Click here http://www.ispcc.ie/uploads/files/dir373/dir18/18_0.php for a good leaflet “coping with exam pressure: advice for parents”.
Mastering stress and the elements of the “game”
I like the metaphor used by SpunOut.ie http://spunout.ie/opinion/article/stay-healthy-during-exams of comparing exams to a “game”, as it helps to put perspective on this difficult but temporary time in your life. Like any other game, exams have their rules and ways that you can learn to perform well at them.
Stress can be broken into four parts: what you feel; what you think; what you do; and how your body reacts when you are under stress. Just as you would in preparation for an important game, over the coming weeks we will look at each of the four parts of stress in turn. I will train you in taking control over your stress and mastering the rules of the game.
“Don’t feel defeated by the pressures of daily life. Get in control of your stress before it takes control over you” (Madhumita Murgia).
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is intended for information purposes only and represents solely the opinions of this author. If you are seeking help with an emotional or mental health issue, we would strongly encourage you to contact your GP and / or for you to contact support services in this link http://www.yourmentalhealth.ie/Supports-services/Types-of-services/Services-you-access-directly/Phone-and-online-supports/
The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional.
This article was first published on www.alustforlife.com on 20st April 2016 – Click here to view; Malie Coyne – A Lust For Life