Sleeping with the enemy: What is coercive control?

Posted on November 28, 2018September 21, 2019

Published: Irish Independent
Author: Áilín Quinlan
Expert Opinion: Dr. Malie Coyne

“Because coercive control doesn’t relate to a single incident, but is rather a purposeful and sustained pattern of controlling behaviour where one person seeks to exert power, control or coercion over another in a relationship day in day out, the damage can often be deep and cumulative.”

“From an attack on a partner’s liberty and human rights, to isolating them from sources of crucial social support, to exploitation of their financial and emotional resources, to depriving them of the means needed for independence and overall well-being – the impact is far-reaching.”

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Why I dumped my toxic friends (and keep my real ones closer)

Posted on October 3, 2018September 23, 2019

Published: The Irish Times
Author: Geraldine Walsh
Expert Opinion: Dr. Malie Coyne

“Being with warm people is the ultimate mood-changer and the answer is found in your brain. A meeting of the minds, or a good laugh with the right person, can activate optimal levels of your ‘feel-good’ brain chemicals and drastically lower your stress levels, by relaxing your heart rate and blood pressure. The endorphins can act as a natural pain reliever, whilst the serotonin release can serve as an antidepressant or mood lifter without the side effects.”

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When Friendships Break Down – RTE Today Show

Posted on May 26, 2018September 21, 2019

We learn who we are through our relationships. Friendships are the key to long-term emotional and physical health. Humans are a deeply social species whose most joyful and sad moments arise from the fulfilling or lack of “belonging” with close others.
But what happens when a friendship breaks down? This can be experienced as a huge loss. You have lost someone dear to you.
That person who you used to be close with, is no longer in your life, or at least, not at this time.
It hurts. Really bad. If a romantic relationship you are in breaks down there’s a full stop and you generally get sympathy. But there’s none of that when friendships stop.
There’s no guidebook on how to manage. Here are some suggestions to help you to cope from my RTE Today segment:

Controlling People – RTE Today Show

Posted on April 9, 2018September 21, 2019

"People who can't control themselves control the people around them.
When you rely on someone for a positive reflected sense of self, you invariably try to control him or her."

Insecurities, the environment of one's upbringing, or a tragic past, often play a role in a controlling person's need for dominance in their lives. The experience of insecure attachment, abuse or neglect can make people look for ways to regain control of their lives, almost as a defence and a way of gaining much needed predictability which may have been lacking in childhood.

The need for control drives people to turn to the external world in order to find things they can control and to divert away from their unbearable inner feelings. They may be compelled to micromanage and orchestrate the actions and behaviours of others sometimes leading to the painful abuse of others (including emotional, physical, sexual abuse, neglect and bullying). Alternatively, they may maintain rigid rules regarding routine, diet, or cleanliness and order, and exhibit mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and personality disorders.

The best way to manage the situation is to access support from friends, family and trained professionals, to look at what is driving everyday behaviour patterns, and to work on building soothing and self-compassion into your life. Helpful websites include www.safeireland.ie and www.amen.ie.

Are online ‘friendships’ with strangers taking over for stressed-out parents?

Posted on February 28, 2018September 21, 2019

Published: Irish Independent
Author: Jen Hogan
Expert Opinion: Dr. Malie Coyne

Since becoming a mother, I’ve often found myself reminiscing about how different things were when I was growing up. And though the perspective of a child is very different to that of an adult, memories of one parent taking turns to walk all the children who lived on the road to school, and waking up to find a neighbour’s child in my bed because her mother had gone into labour overnight, are to the fore of my mind.

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Think twice before having a one-night stand with a stranger

Posted on May 19, 2017September 23, 2019

Published: Irish Examiner
Author: Áilín Quinlan
Expert Opinion: Dr. Malie Coyne

“WHEN it broadcasts next week, the new series about the disastrous consequences for a young teacher of a one-night stand with a sexy but dangerous stranger is expected to attract large audiences.

Paula, which is Olivier and Tony-award winning Conor McPherson’s first original television series, focuses on how one instant spark of attraction can take a terrifying toll.”

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Why every man needs a bromance in his life

Posted on April 17, 2016September 23, 2019

Published: Irish Independent
Author: John Brennan
Expert Opinion – Dr. Malie Coyne

“From an evolutionary perspective, where the caveman had to provide, and historically, where men were expected to defend during war times, boys and men were taught to be strong rather than be emotionally open or vulnerable,” “When boys are told not to cry and to ‘stay strong’, they can lose touch with their feelings..”